yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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