Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
