She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
