YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
