no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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