Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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