But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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