I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
