You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
