Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
