Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
