Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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