I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
