please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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