Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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