In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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