i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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