And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
