You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
