He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
