i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
