After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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