you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
