we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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