Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
