She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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