you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
