wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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