In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
