the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
