oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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