in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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