My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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