we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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