Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
