i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
