I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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