I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
