I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
