In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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