I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
