Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
