i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
