please come you make the beer taste better
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
