Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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