oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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