i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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