My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
