Whod you bang
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
