Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
whose parrot is this?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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