I'm going to rape someone's good day.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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