pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
