"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
