How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Every concussion has its silver lining
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
