he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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