saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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