I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
