Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
whose parrot is this?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
