I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
