If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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