12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
