Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
