I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think my tv is drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize