we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
