speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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