I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
