I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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